Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
