i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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