Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
