you guys were way drunker than both of me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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