god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
