a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She bit a glass in half.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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