why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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