the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
