I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
