Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
