What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
