I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
