sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
