My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize