Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
