seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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