omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
