hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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