She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize