I love black thongs
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
