i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
