my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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