He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize