I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
