Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
