I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
