how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
