You're my little dorito
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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