did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize