she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
