I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
