Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You have to summon your inner elephant
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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