He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
