we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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