I'm lost and stupid without you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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