I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
