Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
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