somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
