Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
