what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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