your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
