just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
