Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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