Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
