He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
