I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
