sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
