$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize