You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
