Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
