i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
