oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
