it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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