just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm too high and old for this...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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