The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
