Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
