I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
