Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
