We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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