Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
