My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize