was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
