I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
