as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
