I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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