You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
