i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
