somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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