Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
someone threw a dead crab at me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
