You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
