We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
