Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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