Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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