well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize