i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
