I could make wine with my vomit
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
