dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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