I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize