Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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