3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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