Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
