I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
